Conditus Vodkibus

Santekhnik

Distinguishing features: Greasy overalls, greasy hair, sour cloud of vodka wafting in a battle with sweat and stale water and shoes that seem to have mud-jets in them which squirt on your floor. Sometimes has more than one tool, often carries bits of wire in pockets, along with broken phone jacks. Often travels in twos or threes.

Habitat: Conditus Vodkibus has only been observed while at work, which generally means banging on broken elevator shafts, crawling around apartment basements, and occasionally appearing in your apartment to fix your heating pipes.

Danger if Provoked: Minimal. A 100 ruble spot is enough to calm the beast.

Cadaverosus Antiquus

Metro Escalator Sentinel

Distinguishing features: Grayish skin color, weary scowl, one hip in the grave, Cadaverosus Antiquus occasionally lifts its head to speak unintelligibly into an old Soviet microphone, telling people that the escalator will soon start or stop.

Habitat: A greasy old glass-enclosed box at the bottom of metro escalators.

Danger if Provoked: Most Escalator Sentinels are too old to be provoked by anything, even a jab with a fork. However, some have been known to blow a whistle when they spot riders running or rolling 2-ruble coins down the handrail.

Mortal Weaknesses: The desire to eat meat at least once a month. Cadaverosus Antiquus works in the metro because her pension money couldn't feed a Venus Fly Trap.