Distinguishing features: Fleshy face with red splotches in the complexion from a combination of a starch-heavy diet and excessive drinking. Body seems to be in Baron Harkonnen-like inflated suit as Corruptoris Lardum strides slowly in the middle of traffic. Special wrist-flick used to flag down potential cash cows.
Danger if Provoked: Extremely high. Anyone in a clean foreign car without government plates or a migalka is bound to provoke Corruptoris Lardum into a feeding frenzy. There is also a great danger if Corruptoris Lardum is not provoked, and to drivers who make the mistake of looking at him when passing by.
Mortal Weaknesses: Merc jeeps that confidently speed around downtown Moscow at 200km/hr. Pensioners in old Moskvitches. Comments: Corruptoris Lardum spends most of his waking hours feeding on the bountiful nutrients offered up by Moscow's increasingly upscale automobilists. It is estimated that he needs to eat at least 20 500 ruble notes per day just to stay fat.
Aeternus Infortunium
Jackpot Troll
Distinguishing features: Squinty eyes, heavy scowl, pale complexion from spending all day at the slot machine betting 3 cents per hit. Often smells of sweat, vodka and urine.
Danger if Provoked: High to Extremely High. Since he inevitably loses, Aeternus Infortunium is in constant need of nutrition, in the form of 10 ruble notes, to keep playing the slots. If he runs out, and you show notes, he will introduce himself. If, in the rare chance, he wins, he will feel like a god and possibly thrash the first person he sees just to celebrate.
Mortal Weaknesses: Flashing lights on kiosk jackpot halls; dark interiors; sounds of bells ringing.
Comments: Infortunium's numbers have been swelling, as the local environment has changed due to the introduction of Jackpot slots halls. While none of this species has ever been seen mating, it is assumed by biologists that the breeding is done very quickly, violently, and usually behind kiosks.
Garrulus Garrulus
Bearded Intelligentsia
Distinguishing features: Shaggy beard and hair so authentic you know that they do it out of necessity rather than irony. Shitty button-down shirts, and most importantly, shitty sandals. They always wear shitty sandals.
Habitat: Any Project OGI, Gogol, or other cheap cafe-restaurant serving sovok food with an intellectual veneer. Kitchens.
Danger if Provoked: Moderate to high. If you ask about anything from politics to literature to the weather, you will be subjected to a six-hour discourse on every subject under the moon, infused with deductive reasoning the likes of which has not been seen or heard since the days of the Toga.
Moreover, you will be asked to buy him 100g of vodka every 30 minutes, and you will be told that it is "normal" for a person to buy a bearded intellectual vodka, as well as pickled cucumbers, in order to reward his genius. Mortal Weaknesses: Halyava. Comments: Garrulus Garrulus tends to avoid expats because he believes they're not just vulgar, but stingy.
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