Distinguishing features: Tailored suits that actually fit; Euro-spectacles; ties knotted correctly; hair that is washed daily; squeaky way of speaking English; laptop with PowerPoint.
Danger if Provoked: Medium. Vox Omninonpopuli has more bark than bite. If provoked by Kremlin authoritarian moves, it will register its displeasure with the Western media, which will temporarily lead to predictions of doom. But a simple threat to relocate it from its natural Rublevko habitat to a khrushebka has an uncanny calming effect.
Mortal Weaknesses: Western journalists; open positions on boards of major finance, oil and industrial companies; interest-free loans.
Mangius Heroicus
Metro Stray Dog
Distinguishing Features:Mange, limp, folded ears, abused cower, overcrowded flea settlements, ability to anticipate kicks from far mangier metro workers, often curled up and sleeping with nose tucked under hind leg during daylight hours. Never alone. Habitat:Near heating vents in metro stations, near the backs of kiosks where they might get scraps of food, bottoms of metro escalators, infrequently riding the metro. Danger if Provoked:Medium. Mangius Heroicus avoids all possible conflict with humans during working hours. However in the late evening/early morning hours, Mangius Heroicus can bear its teeth and possibly even attempt to turn a stumbling drunk human into nature-show pack-feast material. Mortal Weakness:Babushki with scraps, trash cans behind kiosks, dead rats, busy multiple-lane intersections which appear to be temporarily empty.
Signum Khoholus
African Doorman
Distinguishing Features: Athletic build, ill-fitting, cheap ethnic costume that's not native to Africa, dark-skinned, beaten down expression. Habitat: A wide spectrum of mid-priced Moscow restaurants, including Korchma Taras Bulba, Bochka, La Cantina. Signum Khokholus is closely related to the more highly evolved Spirtom Nalitum (African Barman), who can be found serving drinks at elitny clubs and restaurants and appears to enjoy himself. Danger if Provoked: Low. The Signum Khokholus' patience is legendary, and it has been known to endure up to five years of ridicule at the hands of drunk, racist Russians without cracking, while even managing to graciously open the door every time a new party arrives. Mortal Weakness: Russian girls, foreigners who speak English to them
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